Blue Period
by aplaceinthestars
Summary: A quick look at Ryo and Dee as they reflect on their feelings for each other. My first FAKE fic, please be kind PG for Dee's mouth XD


A/N: Okay...well, this is my first attempt at a -FAKE- fic. I thought I'd start with a little songfic in two POVs to get a feel for writing the characters. And I'll be honest...I've only read the first 4 books of the manga, and I'm very sadly OAV-less. Anywho, since I'm testing my characterization skills (or lack thereof ::sweatdrop::), I'd really appreciate your reviews and feedback.  
  
Disclaimers 'n' such: -FAKE- belongs to Sanami Matoh (lucky *_*), and "Blue Period" is by the Smithereens (good song! XD)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
---Blue period, black comedy \\ Such a joke I've played on me---  
  
So I sit here alone again. It's funny in a way, because I brought it on myself. I could have had him by my side all night if I'd allowed myself, after all, but I was just too afraid. Too proud, I guess. I wouldn't let him win. Wouldn't let him take me as his prize, not ever.  
  
But I miss him. I miss the way he looks at me. No one...no one has ever taken the kind of interest in me that he has.  
  
That's the understatement of a lifetime.  
  
---I let you go // And now I know a world of uncertainty---  
  
I can be comfortable around him, something that doesn't come easily to me. I'm still not completely ready to face my feelings. The fact that I might be... ... ...more attracted to him than I care to admit.  
  
---Now I think about the days \\ When I let you down in so many ways---  
  
I feel sort of guilty for shoving him away the way I do. He's even said that it makes him think I have a split personality. But what Dee just doesn't get is that when it comes to him...I *do*. One second I'm trying to tell him everything--how much I care, just what he means to me-but by the time I manage to force the words out, I've realized what I was saying, and then I just panic-  
  
It's all more complicated than it should be.  
  
---That's the time I want to cry // And the time I wonder why and pray---  
  
It's not that I *want* to pull him back and forth. It just...happens. I can't explain why I feel this way for him. I still don't think I'm...  
  
I can't even say it. I'm such a coward.  
  
He'd laugh at me. Dee would laugh, and then he'd probably kiss me, and tell me I think too much.  
  
---My apathy is tragedy \\ I'm content to stay inside---  
  
But I've always been bad with relationships. The fact that it's Dee just makes things that much more difficult to deal with. I've worked a long time to perfect the way I keep my emotions hidden.  
  
That's probably why I don't like the idea that sometimes I blush just when he looks at me.  
  
---This emptiness is killing me // I can run but I can't hide---  
  
I know I can't keep it up much longer. One of these days I'll have to fess up. It'll probably be just like tonight, in fact-another late day at the office, then maybe dinner....  
  
Then Dee will probably find and excuse to spend the night, and who knows- maybe one of these days I won't be able to argue any more. I've done it before. I can't *not* feel it. He's sweet, sometimes so much so that I just want to tell him to go away. Just leave me alone, Dee. Don't make me feel this way.  
  
--And you loved me all along \\ When I always did you wrong---  
  
I'm a fool. Everyday I'm throwing away something I'll never have back. I'm chasing him away, I just know it-  
  
But I tell myself it doesn't matter. I'm doing the right thing. He doesn't matter to me at all.  
  
---That's the time I can't forget // And it fills me with regret always---  
  
He does.  
  
I love him.  
  
I love him, but I'm going to push him away until he doesn't want to so much as speak to me.  
  
---------------------------------  
  
---When you think that you have won \\ Then your heartache's just begun---  
  
I can't get through to him. It's like I'm banging like a madman on a deaf man's door thinking, "Just a little louder, and then I'll be in."  
  
I'm always *just* that close, and then boom. All gone. Back to start. You suck, please try again. I know I should just drop it. I should go for someone that isn't going to try to take me out with an ashtray for kissing him. But I can't.  
  
It's not that I *enjoy* being fought off, I just take it as a consequence that's well worth it.  
  
---Blue period, black comedy // Love's a clown, now laugh my way---  
  
As wrong as it seems now, I can't lie to myself: this all started as a joke. He was so goddamn uptight! I couldn't resist! Of course, it didn't hurt that he was hot-neurotic as hell, but hot.  
  
But look who's laughing now. It's safe to say that Ryo's paid me back a hundredfold for my little game.  
  
---I think of you \\ Much more than I'd ever be willing to say---  
  
I love him so much. I've fallen for him completely-it's insanity. He pushes me away, he tells me he's not gay...  
  
And then he kisses me, out of nowhere.  
  
Damn you and your mind games.  
  
---Now I don't want to pretend // I was glad to see us ending this way---  
  
This isn't the way it's supposed to go...not at all...  
  
Now I have to feel like I'm molesting the poor guy every time I touch him. And sometimes he probably feels the same-but others he doesn't.  
  
He's...hiding from me. Somehow, I just know he is. Maybe it's a bit arrogant to assume that he has feelings for me, but there's *something* there. Otherwise he would have socked me like he did that weasel Rose.  
  
---That's the time I want to cry \\ And the time I wonder why and pray---  
  
Ryo is a whole lot of things, but at the top of the list is 'confusing beyond all reason'. I don't want to hurt him. I don't, I swear. And I know I'm a jerk, and I have a certain tendency to rush him like I'm trapping an animal, and maybe I'm not so subtle when were in public even though I know he gets embarrassed-  
  
Geez.  
  
I'm an ass.  
  
But he puts up with me. Way more than *I* would put up with me, anyway.  
  
---Blue period, I'm looking for someone who // Is just like you, to help end this blue period---  
  
And then sometimes he'll just look at me, not for any real reason, with those deep, dark eyes.  
  
They're so dark that it hurts...  
  
Author's dumb end note: Well there you go...could have been worse, I suppose. I have discovered that Ryo is VERY hard to write, however. ::faint:: I feel like I slipped out-of-character several times with him. Dee on the other hand seemed to go a little more smoothly...then again, I could be wrong. After all, I'm not the one who has to read it ^_^  
  
Please review! 


End file.
